


(Un)Lucky Three

by Aka_Chibi



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Supernatural, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, F/F, F/M, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, I'm not even sorry just read it, Love Triangles, M/M, Multi, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Slight horror, Slight mockery of Twilight
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-30
Updated: 2012-10-01
Packaged: 2017-11-15 07:34:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/524785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aka_Chibi/pseuds/Aka_Chibi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He never wanted any of this. </p>
<p>He only wanted to do normal things, make some normal friends, and lead a normal life. </p>
<p>But nooo, life just had to corner him into a dark alley and shank him in the back. </p>
<p>Well fuck you too, life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't quite consider this to be a parody of Twilight, but it does has some similar ideas.

“Are we there yet?” Karkat Vantas grumbled as he wearily fiddled with his grey seat belt. 

“For the last time, _no_ ,” His father, Mr. Vantas, responded with his voice sharp with irritation. “Just be patient. I said this ride was going to be a long one, didn’t I? It’s only been, like what, half an hour already? If you haven’t noticed, Karkat, is that a long ride takes _more_ than thirty minutes.”

“In your twisted up definition,” Karkat said. “If _you_ haven’t noticed, driving for thirty minutes sure does count as a long ride.”

“In _your_ definition, not mine.”

Karkat clenched his jaw and made a soft, frustrated hissing sound. The back of his head was starting to throb, and he knew that he’ll get another bad headache soon if he kept bitching at this rate. His eyes glanced at his father, prepared to dish out an angry face, only to make eye contact with the back of the tan seat his father was sitting in. Of course, he forgot once again that his father still made him sit in the passenger seat (imagine the embarrassment of carpooling) but he tried to make the best of it by pretending his father was a chauffeur. 

“I could be doing things right now,” He said, trying to pick up the conversation after a moment of silence. “I could be sticking my nose in a fucking cave, proceed to start bellowing like some kind of moronic jackass that flunked second grade, and then burn off some excellent fat by running for dear life as a bear that just woke up fresh from hibernation starts chasing me around town like some kind of sick stalker. Oh, and here’s the plot twist: It would be hell of a lot better than sitting around in his van for even thirty minutes, _dad_.”

Karkat could hear his father sighing, maybe with a bit of exaggerated anger, as he himself was huffing and puffing after delivering that long speech.

When they finally made it to a red light, Mr. Vantas turned around to glare at his son. Unlike Karkat, who can give you the most terrifying mad look ever as if the devil himself granted him the curse of everlasting damnation, Mr. Vantas was much too forgiving and often times give you a soft look rather than an angry one. Just like in this case right now.

Mr. Vantas had a rather pale pinkish complexion, as if walking outside into the sun was a special occasion. His hair was very light, but it had a hint of yellow that gave it the color of the palest and softest underbelly of a yellow duck… or, at least, that’s how Karkat could describe it.

Karkat, unfortunately related to this man, has his fair share of albinism. Although, thanking god that his father didn’t have sex with some albino chick, Karkat obtained some more color from his mother. He had a so-so complexion; still kind of pale but much more livelier than his father, although he had terrible bags under his eyes due to him staying up way too late at night. Karkat’s hair was pale like his father’s too, a light yellow but more concentrated. Actually, it was more of a dirty yellow, slightly brown, but you wouldn’t be able to tell because Karkat dyed his hair black on a daily basis. He found his hair to be of a disgusting hue, and his father stopped nagging him about “being ashamed of his body”.

Despite all of that, both of them had very distinguished eyes… blue ones, that is. There might two reasons why you would stop and stare at them: 1) They were very pretty eyes, like a lovely ocean blue. 2) If you ever heard them say they’re albino, chances are you might and gawk at them because holy shit you thought albinos were suppose to have red eyes. Karkat would had considered putting in some contact lenses too, but he figured it was better to have some blue eyes than stereotypical red eyes. (Plus, the idea of sticking something into his eyes was bit nerve wrecking, admittedly).

“Just calm down for a second,” Mr. Vantas started with a soft voice. “I know that-”

“It’s been a second,” Karkat interjected.

“I didn’t mean it _literally_ ,” His father said, but didn’t have to time to continue what he was saying because the lights turned green. Turning around so he could keep his eyes on the road, he mumbled, “Why do I even bother?”

“Why are you even trying?” Karkat asked, although he was well aware of the fact that his father may had just been thinking out loud. He turned his head to stare out of the window, but not quite paying attention to the scenery. “You could had ditched me at home and not hit the wheels as fast as this gas guzzling, disgusting pile of manure can go. Which isn’t that far, by the way.”

“It’s just a regular van, Karkat. This baby had been around much longer than you have, and it at least didn’t complain nearly as half as you did.” Mr. Vantas patted the dashboard in such a way that Karkat could swear it was with fondness, much to his disgust. “Besides, I love you too much to do that.”

“Unfortunately.”

“I really mean it,” Mr. Vantas said firmly. “If I didn’t love you that much, then I wouldn’t had decided to move us to a nicer place just to raise you better.” He made a small smile that Karkat couldn’t see from behind. “Which reminds me, I should give you another talk about that dirty mouth of yours, Karkat. You could be offending people all the way to China.”

“You could be offending people by being so judgmental!” Karkat snapped, but didn’t say anything else. Mr. Vantas had been known for his infamous talks and lectures. It would be an understatement of the century to say they were endless. Karkat was smart enough to avoid triggering them. Instead, he just looked around the van to let his mind wonder on something else.

The van was pretty spacey. Even with most of their luggage and boxes in the trunk, some also sitting on the passenger seat with Karkat, he still had enough room to stretch and be comfortable. 

You would think that if his father bought a van with this much room, it would be full of his kids that he would lovingly drop off at school or something. Sadly, that was not that case. Karkat was the only child he had, or that’s what he liked to think. He actually had an older brother named Kankri, but he was off to college. Karkat actually liked to think that he or Kankri wasn’t really related, because holy crap how the hell could he be related to some moron that spends every waking minute doing political speeches? 

Karkat looked at the box nearest to him. It was labeled “BOOKS”. Although he enjoying lazing around with a thick book in his hands, he was wary of reading them in a moving car, where he would get car sick and nauseous. He did considered pulling out of his cheesy, romantic novels (he secretly was a romantic nut and was very passionate about it) but then decided against it.

Instead, his stuck his hand inside one of the pockets of his messenger bag that was temporarily packed with his belongings. He pulled out some old headphones that were black. When he first got it, which was a few years back, he spent the extra money customizing them with a red cancer sign on the sides, since that was his zodiac sign. He stuck his hand inside the bag again to retrieve his equally old MP3 player, which was ridiculously crappy.

Plugging the headphones to his MP3 and turning it on, Karkat slipped the headphones over his head. He slouched against his seat and stared mindless into space while listening to his music.

He spent the next couple of minutes imagining a story behind all of his songs he was listening to before his heavy eye lids finally closed.


	2. Chapter 2

A handful of hours had passed by before Karkat opened his eyes again, awaken by the sharp tapping at his window. When he groggily turned his head to see who was making such a ruckus, he saw that it was his father standing outside of the van. When Mr. Vantas saw that his son was now awake, he made a bright smile and tapped more quickly with his knuckles on the window.

“Hurry up and get out here!” He said with noticeable excitement. “We’re here!”

Karkat unbuckled his seat belt before he opened his door, half wanting to see what “here” is and half wanting to appease his father in order to stop him from further tapping at the window like a happy puppy. Once he hopped out of the car, fresh delightful air filled his lungs. He took a second to close his eyes, take a deep, relaxed breathe to clear up his stuffy head, before exhaling and opening his eyes again.

He looked around a bit, wanting to take a good look at this new surrounding as his father chattered on about something. 

First things first, Dorothy sure wasn’t in Kansas anymore. He and his father used to live in a pretty big, crowded city full of skyscrapers and buildings. They also used to live in a pretty cheap apartment, seeing as to how they were pretty poor. Thanks to the occasional trips to the donation box and Grandma Maryam dropping by with her delicious cooked meals, handmade clothes and other gifts, they barely managed to live a healthy lifestyle. 

It was alright until Mr. Vantas managed to get hired for a good job with good pay, in this childhood homeland where he grew up in. Along with him finding a two story house out here that was being sold for a surprisingly small amount of money, the two packed up their belongings and said “Sayonara” to the city.

Karkat didn’t know what he was expecting to find when they got there, but it certainly wasn’t _this_. _This_ was their two story house, which Karkat thought was in bad shape. He could tell that it was originally painted white, but that must had been a long time ago with cheap two dollar paint, because it was yellowing and peeling off in places. The dark red roof on top of the house was covered with gross moss, and some of the shingles was starting to fall off. The front door looked like it was even going to fall off of it’s rusty hinges. That was pretty bad news, considering how they’ll be living in some really moist, depressing weather now.

But that wasn’t even it. They were living disturbingly close to a huge forest, full of tall pine trees that will stay green all year long as if it was cursed by Mother Nature. The forest looked like it was miles long, and even if Karkat looked to the left or right all he could see was trees and more trees. Hell, even blueberry bushes and weeds that were just begging to be pulled out of the dirt covered ground were scattered around their property. There’s not even a concrete road to be seen; they just pulled up to this house on a dirt road.

So that’s it. Their house is the only building that can be seen out here, and their only neighbors will be raccoons and whatever the hell popped out from those dark trees. His father wanted Karkat to have plenty of space, and somehow he decided that this would the wisest choice. 

To live near a fucking forest in a crappy shack.

Karkat finally looked back at his father, who was by the van smiling as if he was blinded by the obvious flaws. “Okay, nice joke you got there dad,” He said nervously. “Where’s our house?”

Mr. Vantas’s face became confused. “What are you talking about? This is our house, Karkat.”

“Ahahaaa! Still joking, huh dad?” Karkat forced out a laugh. “Seriously, where’s our house? There’s no way in blistering kick assing hell are we living here.”

He heard his father made a sigh, as if he knew this would be Karkat’s reactions. Then it was a moment of silence, where Mr. Vantas was leaning against the van and staring at Karkat, and Karkat was staring back with his arms crossed. Eventually, he finally accepted the fact that they were now living here in the middle of nowhere in terrible weather. He pressed his hand to his face to do his infamous face palms to show how disappointed he was in his father. However, that didn’t seemed to be expressing enough disappointment, so he used added in another hand to make a double face palm instead. 

Satisfied to see his son stopped being in denial, Mr. Vantas straightened up and walked over to Karkat. He placed an arm around Karkat’s shoulder, only for it to hastily be brushed away. 

“C’mon, let’s check the inside,” Mr. Vantas said as he jingled the house key on his goofy lanyard. Together, they walked up to the front door (Karkat walking with much less enthusiasm than his father). Mr. Vantas carefully unlocked the door, as if he was afraid that it will collapses on him any moment now. With the door successfully unlocked, he turned the knob and pushed as the door made a squealing noise in protest. After taking a quick peek at the inside, Karkat then learned that the house wasn’t as bad as he thought at first. 

It was much, much worse.

They had opened the door into the living, which was rather filthy with long neglect. The white carpet seemed to be stained in various place from different liquids (he hoped that the red ones were from cranberry juice). Just taking one baby step on it sent a cloud of disgusting dust into air as if they had just awoken from their deep slumber. The painting on the walls were just as bad as the outside -yellowing and peeling- but it looked like the previous owner had a guilty pleasure of flaking the dry paint off of the wall. Even stabbing in some holes too. Karkat didn’t even know what color an unpainted wall was until now.

The hallways in which the two walked through had the same terrible conditions like the living room, although when they walked upstairs they noticed that there were some big brown shoe marks on the stairs. 

Upstairs was the hallways there all of the three bedrooms was located; one on the left side, another the right, and the last right in the middle. They both inspected the rooms off to the sides, sad to see that they too had the same problems as the living room. The master bedroom was the room on the right side, so naturally, Karkat took the bedroom on the left because it would be farthest from his father’s.

Coincidentally, Karkat found an old, wooden rocking chair sitting over there in the corner of the room. It seemed brittle, weak, and it occasionally moved by itself by some unknown source. The squeak it made was enough to make Karkat add “Light Chair on Fire and make S’mores” to his To-Do list. 

As for the middle room… it was an absolute mess. Once they opened the door, a sudden gust of chilling cold blew into their faces. The reason why this happened was because this bedroom had a broken window. Not only did it let the cold in, it also let in the weather. The carpet was soaking wet, possibly from the rain that was blown in hours ago. The constant wetness made the carpet grow some mildew, moss, and it looked like small animals managed to crawl in though the window and temporarily made this room their home. When Karkat took a step inside this room, he was disturbed to find that he stepped on a bone that might had belonged to some bird or something. The rich smell of nature was overwhelming to their noses. Karkat quickly pushed his father outside into the hallway, where he slammed the door behind to save them from the horror.

“We should probably patch that window up…” Mr. Vantas said, pausing for an awkward minute before forcing out a chuckle. 

“Hell no!” Karkat stared at his father as if he had suddenly sprouted feathers. “We are going to back away from this god forsaken shit and call the biohazard specialists. They will take one look at this Mother Earth’s personal love bed, evacuate everyone within an 100 mile radius, light this place like Satan’s exploding ass crack, and maybe even record it so that they could sell it for a hot action film.”

Karkat took a deep breathe, then narrowed his eyes at his father. “Did you even know about this?”

“What are you talking about?” His father replied, pulling on that confused face again.

“Did the guy who sold you this crap land told you about the condition of this house?”

There was silence, where Mr. Vantas looked more embarrassed by the minute as Karkat’s eyes widen with realization.

“You…” He started, but didn’t know how to finish.

“Look, before you start assuming things, let me just defend myself for a minute,” his father said hastily. “I did ask about any problems this house might have, and the man who was selling it said little to nothing. All he did was show me a picture of the outside of the house and not much more. I was desperate to get a house here, and since this place was so cheap I just took the bait.”

“Hmmm, I wonder why this junk was so cheap!” Karkat said sarcastically. “You could had just driven over here like any smart asses would and checked it out first!”

“Karkat, it takes over four and a half hour to get here,” His father snapped. “Do you really expect me to drive all the way here and back just to look at a house? It would had taken up too much time and gas money.”

“It would had been a lot cheaper than the cost of fixing this poor excuse of a giant’s Honey-Bucket!” Karkat yelled. “Gas and time? Oh, that’s nothing compared to buying new paint, spackle, wood, shingles, and to get some sucker to clean our carpet!”

“We’ll managed!” Mr. Vantas pressed, although Karkat wondered if he was trying to convince himself too. “Even then, it’s too late now. Just wait Karkat, a few weeks into my job and we’ll make enough money to clean up this place. Even buy a new house and sell this one later! But for now, we might have to bunk in with a good family friend. I’ll even have to ask for some favors, although I really hope we won’t have to bother anybody with that.”

Karkat opened his mouth to spout out a rude insult, but then found that he didn’t know what to say next. Instead, he just stared at his feet and started mumbling under his breathe.

“Why don’t you hang out in the kitchen? Make yourself something to eat,” His father offered. Karkat noticed how tired and soft he sounded now, and he couldn’t help but feel a bit of guilt building up in his chest.

He obediently went downstairs to the dusty kitchen. He did considered pouring himself a glass of water, but decided against it when he found the sink full of dirty water and plastic cups.


End file.
